how's YOUR grind?

• It’s been a while since I’ve been on this shit.
• I’m in the 4th week of my spring quarter (third quarter), which means I’m 7 weeks away from finishing my first year at UCLA
• 5 years with the love of my love in 2 months — June 7, 2008,<3 
• I miss home SOOOOO fuckin bad.
• I’m a officially a sister of Kappa Psi Epsilon. Truly blessed with the best.
• I’ve lost 15 pounds since I’ve started college, but I’m still pretty unhappy with the way I look.
• I’ve got a quiz in my chem discussion tomorrow, then a midterm in my chem lecture on Friday. I honestly need to pass this class.
• I’m coming home this weekend to help my roll dawg with her baby shower. She’s having her third baby girl! I’m super excited to meet her,<3
• Samahang Pilipino Culture Night is on May 25th. That means I’ve got 5 weeks to get my performances down. I’m in Maria Clara and Kali. If you want to watch, it’ll be at UCLA in Royce Hall! Hit me up if you have any questions.
• I’m engaged.
• Just kiddin on that last bullet point, but I am gonna marry Brian someday. Just sayin.
• I’m really not sure what I want to do with my life anymore. I still REALLY want to be an OB/GYN, but I don’t know that I want to go to school as long anymore. Med school will just eat away all my time. Yeah it’s a sacrifice, but I’m not entirely sure that I’m willing to MAKE that sacrifice.
• Part of me really wants to be a cosmetic formulator. Or a make up artist. Maybe I can both that and the medical field, but not necessarily an OB/GYN. 
• I’ll figure it out, but I do know that I might switch my major from Biochem to psychobio. 
• I’m being a little baby so bad right now because I really miss the loml even though I saw him last week.
• I really miss my friends too. 
• UGH I JUST WANT IT TO BE SUMMER. 7 more weeks then a 10 week break<3 
• I need to get a summer job though because I’m seriously broke as fuck.

That’s all on my life update. :)

I said I would be fine, but the silence and the emptiness crept its way through. And now here I am praying in desolation to just feel whole

I miss home.

Now that everyone’s starting college, I’m so terrified. The time is drawing nearer for my first year of college and I’m just a mess.

It’s not just me being terrified — it’s a cluster of feelings really. And I guess I’m just overwhelmed and I really don’t know how to handle all of these feelings.

I’m so scared for my big move to LA. I know that it’s not far from home, but it doesn’t change the fact that LA will be, for the most part, where I stay the most. Yes, I could easily take the train or the bus or carpool to SD.. But it just won’t be the same anymore. I’m being kicked out of the nest to see if I can fly and the truth is.. I just hope I don’t fall.

And I’m going to miss so much:

- I’m going to miss my mom like crazy. I’m going to miss her cooking, her nagging, her laughing, everything.. It’s just so crazy. She’s taken care of me for 18 years and now it’s time for me to grow up and do it on my own. I don’t say it enough, but I’m so thankful for all that my mom has given me and when I leave, I know my appreciation will grow even more.

- Ahhh, my four crazy, overprotective brothers… Where to start? I know for the most part I’m always complaining about wanting to get away from you guys, but you know I love you guys very much. Each in your own ways. And I’ll miss all of your attitudes.

- All of my cousins, my brothers, and I are pretty family-oriented. I grew up with my cousins taking care of me like their own little sister. I would spend most of my childhood days hanging out or spending the night at their homes. I’ve always found comfort in that and it’s always been within reach when I wanted or needed and now.. It won’t be that easy.

- Friends… My wild, down-to-earth, amazing friends. God I will miss you guys so much. I know I’ll make more friends at UCLA, but none of them will ever be able to fill the void that’ll be in my heart when I leave home. We’re all going to be doing our own things and though it saddens me, I’m happy that we’re each handling our own grinds.

- Brian Araracap Regaliza… Love of my life. I think the fact that he’s leaving as well has set me off the edge. I’ve seen him almost every single day for the past four years and now.. I won’t have that privilege. He takes his ASVAB test next Friday an his recruiting officer has already told him that he’ll be leaving next month. I’ve known for a while that this was his plan, but now it’s becoming so real. It’s all happening so fast and it’s really tearing my heart apart. But even though I’m moving onto UCLA and he’s leaving to handle his own business, I hope he knows that I’ll be here waiting patiently. It’s going to be tough as hell with me being in school and him being God knows where, but I have faith. And I will always have faith in our Love. I promise my love, I’ll hold on with all I’ve got.

Ugh, so overwhelming. Orientation for me starts this Sunday. I’m looking forward to it because I’m hoping it’ll erase most of my worries and make me more excited to start this new life.

This is weird but.. when I like a show, I don’t keep up with it on a weekly basis. 

I like waiting until a season ends so that I can watch all of the episodes like a marathon. I know it’s dumb waiting that long amount of time for the season to be over, but it’s better than waiting in between the episodes. I hate not knowing what’s gonna happen. I just want it to happen already.

It’s kind of the way I am with movies. I hate not knowing.. so I ask people what’s happened before I’ve even watched it x)

Weird.. I know. But anyway, I’m catching up on Pretty Little Liars as I raid my closet to find things to sell. I need to come up with some cash PLUS I just wanna get rid of things before college. 

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited to go to UCLA.

Yes, I am.. but I think I’m more afraid than anything.

So.. I wasn’t accepted into Stanford, which is okay with me. When I think of all the things I’ve accomplished, I couldn’t be more proud of myself. Stanford is seriously missing out on a great student. :)

With that said, I’ve decided that I’m going to attend UCLA. I’m bouta be a Bruin ;)